2013 has been a whirlwind of change, of endings and new beginnings, mostly in relation to completing pharmacy school (finally!) and starting my new acupuncture, Chinese medicine and consulting pharmacy (?) clinic, which has been a wonderful endeavor.
The last few months have been quite interesting, and we'll see how well I can put it into words.
First of all, my final pharmacist licensing exam that I passed coincided with my youngest son's 21st birthday. I was quite aware of the culmination of active "parenthood" and the completion of all I strived for through pharmacy school existing on the same day, September 9. I passed, and now have my license, and Peter is now officially an adult. All of that multi-tasking that comes with parenting and comes with a difficult doctoral degree is over! This left me with actual entire unplanned days. I knew better than to fill them up, which I could easily have done with the new business and seeing patients, seeing long lost friends, or idling away on the Internet... but I didn't. I intentionally set out to use these days as "free" days, being in the moment, and whatever would come up, I would do it. It seemed like a nice transition, a necessary transition. My life has been run by syllabi and school schedules for the better of the past 20 plus years, including all of my sons' early school journeys. So strange to not have that structure!
About three weeks after my liberation from pharmacy exams and "parenthood" (although I know that never ends), my dear stepfather was diagnosed with gallbladder cancer. He is still undergoing tests to determine if surgery is an option, and to see if it has spread, and essentially to see what his options are for the rest of his life. Suddenly I saw one of the reasons why I had this new "free" time at hand. I am so very grateful and blessed to be able to accompany my parents on their doctor and procedure visits to assist with the question-asking, and provide another set of ears in these meetings. So much is still undetermined and the path has yet to be laid out for him. All in transition.
Meanwhile, I have been easing into a yoga quasi-routine, and 9 days ago attended a Yoga Nidra workshop that my husband, Richard, was invited to play his flutes to accompany the facilitator. I was so excited to do a very gentle yoga that was focussed more internally than on the stretching and movement. I was even excited about the possibility of a heavy-duty nap during it. I had no idea, really, what to expect, so went in with an open mind and a willingness to participate.
Delara led us through the gentle stretches and meditation to begin the session, and eased us into the internal exploration. Snores were beginning to resound through the room, in front of me, behind me - but not through me. Rather, I felt like I was hyper-aware, super-alert, completely relaxed, and definitely not napping or snoring. What happened next completely surprised me.
My Council of Twelve paid me a visit in this state of Nidra Yoga. In prior Council visits, at least in my awareness, their visits and information have come through dream states. One other time, I used 5-6 bags of Anchi crystals all around me during a meditation, and I was able to negotiate with them that way. This time, they had a message for me. To get caught up on some of my other Council encounters, read this blog.
They said, "Your end is here."
I had a few questions, and they answered in their best cryptic way. After the meditation I felt completely amazing, relaxed and emotionally detached.
The gist of the message from that meeting was that my end has come. I had no idea what that meant - did it mean that the end of my physical existence was once again looming? Were they talking about an ego thing? The end of my ego?
One of my questions to them, was "when"? I related it to my stepdad when I asked, since he is the only other person I'm aware of who is currently facing a big end. I asked, "Before him? After him?"
They told me "with him." What does that mean? I still don't know exactly, except they did inform me that had I completed my first contract and transitioned out of this life in my 30's, I had contracted with my stepfather to be one to assist from the other side during his transition from this life. So, since I continue on, and am still incarnate on this planet Earth, and am not on the other side to assist as originally planned, I am going to still assist him in his transition - somehow. I think they are actually still figuring it out, and that was part of the message.
Reluctantly, I passed all of this by my husband, an aware individual whose perspective I completely trust. He was pretty sure I'll be around for awhile, and that they weren't talking about my physical being ending now. That resonated, but it was still unclear what has ended.
I'll back up a little here, too. I have always been a proud omnivore, not eating a lot of meat, but retaining my right to eat it when I wanted to, loving eggs, and still eating dairy. Since the middle of July, my husband and I had been taking a Mental Mastery meditation class through Sai Maa's teachings. The first five sessions seemed to be familiar exercises and took us very slowly each week into greater awareness of our mental activity and how to shift it into positive manifestation. It was slow, that is, until the very last class. Suddenly (it seemed), we were being guided into a huge pineal activation, pulling the energy into our Heart center, and manifesting from that space. Our facilitator played his special crystal bowls during this meditation in our last class. We were supposed to create a vision in that space, and all I could see was light, light and more Light, and being in that LIGHT. There was no vision creation, there was nothing but light and my being in it.
And since that meditation, I have not been able to eat any meat, eggs, or dairy. At all. The night after that meditation, we went to my in-laws' house and my mother-in-law served her usual salmon, which I would normally not hesitate to devour. I could not eat it. I felt nauseous, and just knew I couldn't do it.
Things immediately shifted to a pure vegan diet at our house - my husband jumped right on board. I do not know how to explain this to people - the reasoning behind it - how long it's going to last - why, why why?
Dunno.
Although, in light of the Light, and the lightness of a plant-based diet compared to an animal-based diet may be exactly what I need if and as I am assisting my stepfather in his transition and in my own transition. It seems that is just the start. Maybe it helps me be lighter as I work in the etheric realm day and night. I am definitely sleeping better, much better (not that it was bad before - but now it's really good!)
I don't miss meat, or eggs, or milk (or wheat, or refined sugar)- and I've actually enjoyed the exploration of some amazing vibrant and delicious vegan meals. I love cooking, so this is a natural.
This morning, to gain some (or lots of) clarity - I visited an intuitive reader friend of mine who has been very helpful with gaining relevant information and needed clarity in the recent past. I quickly filled her in on the Council of Twelve visits through the years, and this most recent one. What she relayed to me resonated well, and I'm still digesting. They kept showing her a scroll, which represented my life, and my blueprint for my life. There was a blueprint (or two, maybe three) that was determined before I was born depending on the choices I would make at predetermined potential "exit points".
What has essentially happened is that I have completed my current and last pre-determined pre-birth blueprint, all contracts are complete, and there is nothing for the Council of Twelve to work with until I consciously come up with a new blueprint for the next part of my life. This is usually done prior to incarnation, but I need to do it while currently incarnated since I have steadfastly insisted that I remain through these negotiations with my Council of Twelve. My friend relayed to me that the next several weeks, especially, are super important to really lay the groundwork for my new blueprint, and it is vitally important to keep all fear, doubt, worry, idle thinking out of any of my intentions or non-intentions. Any wistful wonderings could make it into my blueprint. They told her that I need to check into my values, really see what I value and what I want to experience during the next bit of my lifetime, so that they have something to work with and put into action. I see a list, a specific list with everything I can think of that I want to experience. It seems there is no accident that I've been taking these meditation courses to help become very aware of what my mind is doing, so that I can head it off and away from any worry. It seems a bit of a daunting task to create this blueprint - this is way bigger than creating your reality in the New Thought sense, it seems. I have time - 4-6 weeks, and into the middle of February. By then, the blueprint will be set and will begin to manifest and unfold. Right now in this moment they have nothing to work with and wanted to let me know a bit of how to go about it.
How fun is this? I see a lot of travel, a lot of heart-centered connection. I told my mother earlier today that what I want to experience is to create something subtle and profound that will affect many in a new way. I relayed to her that the past and current writings and books all seem to say the same New Thought, New Agey things. Not very inspiring to me anymore, since I get it. Different views, same messages. Something new needs to be born and expressed - and the world is in need. Souls are in need - all of the transitioning I've seen all around me, as well as within me, shows me this need.
I am writing again - and it is through this means that I will create my new blueprint. I have not deeply explored my values for awhile - I feel I've been living through them successfully. I do believe that it is time to revisit and super-consciously examine and embrace them, and then translate it into meaningful experiences in my life to come. I have a task - and first I must sleep.
But first - I just remembered - I want to remember to document another message to me from the Council - first that in creating my clinic I was more successful than I have thought in connecting the two dimensions in a balanced way, and much more quickly than any of them thought I would. One of them, and not one of them, went and stood by my friend, to help her relay the message that they are so very proud of what I've done, in a very fatherly way - so much that it made me cry - to hear those words from a paternal orientation made all the difference.
My dear hubby has been telling me for months how proud he is of me, so very proud of everything I've done - maybe he has been channeling them - and I'm grateful and touched, but was triply touched to hear this message from the other side in such a direct way. Also, in order for protection, because I am wide open, I am to always feel this Guide's arms around me as I maneuver through this process of creating my blueprint and stepping into new life. I intend this protection and caring even if I might consciously forget it. I feel so blessed to be on this journey and to have this opportunity to create, all with loving support and enthusiasm!
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