Place of Imbalances to be Reviewed (aka Economics class)

Another good one for revealing Truth and finding self-compassion. We don't have to be great at everything, and really can't be...
...And, there are wonderful techniques and angels to help us process, overturn and conquer these false beliefs.  I love Colorpuncture (and my mom!)

Daily Thought for Monday, February 2, 2009
by Master Djwhal Khul

May I see this day through fresh eyes, that the old places of imbalance in my life can be "reviewed" from the perspective of my Soul's mission.

Interesting this was yesterday's "thought" and I hadn't read it until today.  I had an opportunity to see through "fresh eyes" an old place of imbalance in my life to "review". 

I was in economics class where my tendency is to want to blend into the woodwork, just "do, be, and get".  However, the instructor chooses to call on the students and put them to work, so being invisible is not an option.  Yesterday I sat in the second row, and was asked to draw a graph on the board in the front of the class.  I understand graphs, I get math, but I did not understand what he wanted, so "messed up" in front of the class, and corrected it.  Then, because I was up in front of the class creating the graph, I missed taking the lecture notes that he was giving during that time. When I returned to my seat to catch up, focusing on what he'd already gone over, he came by my spot and asked me a question about what he was currently going over. Of course I had no clue, and since I feel clueless about the entire topic of economics I couldn't "wing it".  

So, more humiliation, especially when he threw up his hands in exasperation as if I should have already mastered all of this.  For goodness sakes.  Thankfully he moved on to the next clueless person.  I know I was not alone in that, however what it meant for me personally is definitely something I get to look at. 

It triggered a time during a poster presentation I was giving in a class near the end of my Bachelor's degree. The professor asked me a difficult technical question that I froze on.  I panicked, I couldn't think or breathe.  I knew I knew the answer, but I was so caught up in the difficulty of the question compared to the "opinion" question one of my classmates (one of the professor's "pets") received.  I know I made  everyone uncomfortable with my frozen panic.  My friend, Pat, was behind the professor signaling to encourage me.  She knew I knew the answer, and later told me he probably asked me the most difficult question because he was aware of my intelligence.  This made no difference to me at the time.  This event yesterday triggered close to those same feelings of humiliation, "dumbness", and wanting to crawl into a hole.

Thankfully, after yesterday's class I went straight to my mom's for a Colorpuncture treatment to work on a rash I've had for a few weeks.  She took a Kirlian photograph of my energy, and treated accordingly while I relayed the day's events to her.  What showed in my photo was very interesting.  It was clear there were boundaries that were being overstepped, and the "father imprint" had been triggered, and was "up".  This makes sense to me, I can see where my relationship with my dad could have a play in that.  I always wanted to be acknowledged for what I do know, and how acceptable I am, what a good person I am, etc.  I wanted to be understood for who I am, not for what I don't know.  I know a lot of it is embracing the fact that I cannot possibly know it all, and that it's okay to be in a situation where I don't know, and to accept it for myself in that moment.  The "dark" side.  Economics is not a strong suit for me, but a pre-requisite for pharmacy school.  There's a reason I didn't take this class way back when.  It's okay to have weaknesses, it's okay to not fully succeed in all areas.  I know I will do fine in the class, and chances are good I understand more of it than I give myself credit.  The healing is going to come through being okay in that situation, and to somehow move through those uncomfortable moments with a little more grace.  Then again, does it always have to be graceful?  I think it's actually okay to have awkward uncomfortable moments.  Perhaps that is more fully experiencing Life.

Ah, so, how does this relate to my soul's mission?  What gets to be healed and released?  To be balanced?  To be okay with it not being okay. Embrace the "fact" that I have both strengths AND weaknesses.  To come up with a method, a mantra, or meditation, to directly help neutralize the strong panicky, humiliated emotional trigger in that situation, so that it is not a block, but rather a gateway to deeper understanding and compassion for myself and others.

Today I do feel a bit more whole, a bit more loving and compassionate toward myself.  Far more than I did 13 years ago during that incident during my undergrad presentation.  That went on for months, way beyond the class ending.  I now know I can go back into class confident in who I am and where I'm at, and be okay in the now. I can stand a bit taller.  And my rash is closer to being healed now that I'm a bit more comfortable in my own skin...

S.A. Lyonheart :-)

Magnificence Incarnating in Flesh

Part of the Alchemical process is finding compassion for oneself and being honest and willing to take a deeper look for true transformation.  This excerpt is from a time in my life when there were so many unknowns about my future.  Actually at any point in our lives, it's all truly unknown, and we get to trust Divine inspiration every step of the way.

Daily Thought for Saturday, January 24, 2009
by Master Djwhal Khul
May I hold well this day the unfolding Mystery of the Divine infusing the mundane, of Spirit indwelling matter, of Magnificence incarnating in flesh.

Of course this comes along on a day when I am not feeling so magnificent, but instead a bit overwhelmed by everything going on in my life.  And it's not that there is anything "bad" going on, just a few reality checks, that yes, I am still a parent of a teenager who needs a slight tweak in direction and needs his mother to come back to Earth, that yes, my future is still relatively uncertain as to where I'll be going to school, and where my next abode is, and how it's all going to manifest exactly.  And, yes, that I am taking a crazy microeconomics class that I am trying to feel enthused about, and yes, that I need to buckle down and pay my taxes, and look at the reality of last year's self-employment income.  I far prefer to dwell in the observer detached mode. 

All of these things that I am doing and experiencing are opportunities to shine my magnificent self, express as my own unique being, to remember to return to trusting in the Universe that supports me and always has.  To release the hows and the whys, to reconnect to my Divinity, and check in with everyone else's Divinity.  To remember we are here to Love, to find compassion for ourselves and for others.  To connect with the Indwelling Joy that is ever present when we choose to recognize and embrace it.

My goals today:  1) To note the Mystery of the Divine in the mundane.  My life is a continuous string of miracles, and today is no different. 2) To remember the Spirit indwelling in matter in all thing and beings, and 3) to remember and celebrate and express the Magnificence of my own being that has incarnated in this flesh.

I am peaceful, powerful and poised, for I know who I am.
S.A. Lyonheart :-)

Winds of Change and the Importance of Letting Go

This was written several years ago while I was in the process of releasing the old beliefs, thought patterns, and more, discovering greater depths of self-compassion, in order to make room for the new and transformed. 

I feel somewhat unsettled as the wind is howling and the trees are swaying violently outside.   The sky is dark with gray with foreboding.  Maybe it’s stir craziness I’m experiencing from having been in bed for the last week with a strange illness that can’t seem to decide what it is, and is taking its time taking its leave.  I’m pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know, well, have learned, in the past, that when I get sick enough to knock me out of commission as I’ve been, my life is about to change.  It’s a cocooning of sorts, a reorganization.  I am definitely very happy with my life in this place to where it has evolved, and am open to change for even better, on whatever level.  This said, this doesn’t feel to me like a cocooning on a personal level, it definitely feels more of a stepping back from the humanity and planetary level.  After a conversation with my mother earlier today, who is also suffering from this strange malady, I realize that perhaps the Universe is telling us to take cover, lay low for a bit, perhaps...rest up.  

I can only surmise or speculate that this may have something to do with the recent solar flares, with which their Earth arrival corresponded precisely with the onset of my illness, which has been fiery, feverish, with burning pain, mainly in my throat.    During the illness, some thoughts occurred to me, in light of, in spite of, or instead of the solar flare possibility.  One thought is that on a humanity level we are being dredged for the final drudge of karma that can be elicited before we have the opportunity for Ascension, if that is where we’re headed.  My human mind has no idea, and I have no answers, all I can do is go with the flow.   Bizarre things are happening in the world, even more so than usual, it seems.  My dreams have been ultra strange during this illness, and I haven’t had the time or energy to analyze them.  I’m okay with that, as it feels they are processing and processing…something.

Meanwhile, I feel more and more disconnected from humanity, and have no interest in the chaos that humanity pours on itself.  The personal dramas, the work dramas, the political dramas… are all karma either being played out or transcended.  Somehow I see beyond the drama, directly to the soul connection, the love, and can see that there is no reason for fear.  Death is not to fear, none of what we experience in life or are about to experience is to fear.  Life would be very, very different for every individual, and thus our collective communities if all decisions were made in love, instead of fear.   This would also be a different life if Earth’s inhabitants had no fear of death.   There was a particular scene that reminded of this, in Shirley MacLain’s miniseries Out On a Limb.  I hadn’t read her book or watched the miniseries before last night, but I have read much over the past 15 years about near death experiences, out of body experiences, spiritual matters, etc., and have had plenty of direct experiences that have brought my thought process to where it resides currently.  It was interesting to watch her metamorphosis, like a butterfly, through the show.  She resisted every step of the way, it appeared, but finally came to the realization that what she was experiencing and hearing was real and she obviously took action on the information she received.  Her experiences were more real than this weird world we live in and have collectively created for ourselves.  I am very glad to be reminded of this in this entertaining manner, although our true nature is almost always on my mind. 

I’ve also been reading a very interesting book on Dreaming and the Kaballah.  The premise is that our awakened state is at least as much of a dream-time than our sleeping state.  I’m not finished reading it yet, but I am sure I will have more to contemplate on this and the implications.

The theme this week in my awareness, it seems, is letting go.  In A Course in Miracles, our lessons have been about letting go (“loose-ing”) of the world we have created.  A client of mine’s main desire was to “let go” of the stuff he was ready to release so that he could move forward into his new life.  Letting go is one of the most difficult things a person can do.  What does it take to let go of the worry?  To let go of the fear?  To let go of having to know the how, or the why, or all of the answers.  If we let go, what are we left with?  Who are we without that fear?  Who are we without that worry?  Do we feel like we have to worry about something to be doing it “right”?  Do we have to be doing everything right?  If we let go of fear, are we out of our minds?  Maybe so.  Is that such a bad place to be?  

In Chinese medicine, letting go is the action of the Large Intestine.  We take in the events life presents to us (through the Stomach/solar plexus/Liver), let it churn a bit, send it to the Small Intestine for discernment, for sorting.  Small Intestine is the energy of discerning the turbid from the clear, retaining the clear, and sending the turbid to the Large Instestine for discharge, or letting go.  The clear is associated with the blessings, and what we want to keep to enrich ourselves and our lives.  The turbid is the crap that no longer serves us and we need to let go.  The energy of the Lung is directly related to the energy of the Large Intestine.  Lung is about grief and sorrow.  If we can grieve something, then we can let it go.  Sometimes we don’t know that we need to grieve something, but our bodies will tell us. 

Letting go is very freeing.  When you let go, those things hold no power over you, you reclaim your own power, and can move forward in a powerful way, rather than a fearful way.  Then your energy can be directed into creative endeavors. I realize this takes a lot of trust.  Trust in yourself, trust that everything will turn out “right”.  And “right” may not be our narrow perception of what is right for our lives, for we see very little of our full paths while we are incarnate and have very little knowledge of the meanings of our encounters and experiences.   In my experience, once I realized that there is a far bigger picture than my small awareness, my prayers and intentions became more for the greatest good of all involved, and allowing those who had a far greater awareness than mine, to make it happen.  I’ve since learned that these kinds of prayers often have the most profound outcomes, as I let go of my perceived best outcome.  I am not to judge what is the best outcome for anyone, not even for myself.  I can set my intention for what I think will be a great outcome, but I will always end it with “this or better”, as I do not know the lessons that need to be learned or the greater joy that can be experienced.  It’s called surrender.  

As the winds and the storm have subsided, I feel more at peace in my heart.  I feel more connected to my spirit, and am calmer about the next moment.  Solar flares or no solar flares, lunar eclipse or no lunar eclipse, and ascension or no ascension, I know that my life is dedicated to peace and love, and sharing and serving.  Perhaps my time cocooning is helping me strengthen this connection to my Source and helping me remember the theme of surrendering to the Greater Good and allowing it to flow through me.